"It's Worse Than You Think"

The truth is Dying an Ugly death. It will die Alone, and in the Dark. It won't be Whispered or even Thought. It will just Disappear like a wind that passes through never to be known again. Within me I try to keep it Alive - but to what End? It is spoken Less and less as the Flames of danger are Stoked round us ever higher. You can see it in their faces: the Broken dreams, the Twisted lies, the Heartbreak of separation, Songs that echo only in the past. We are Drowning in a sea of unreality. Soon, there'll be no more Tears left to cry.

Three days ago I met an Excommunicated Power Lord. He was Desperate to speak, to tell me How Things Are, to convey the State Of The Rot. "It's Worse than you think," he begged me to see. "I was Cast Out for my lying - I mean, for not lying well enough. Those people there now - they're Animals, without human Impulse. They've Boiled their lives down to craven Creatures who speak Only to deceive. The have Zero consideration for anyone or anything. They thrive on Betrayal. In the end, they'll destroy even themselves, Eating each other alive - and taking rest of us Down with them. There'll be Nothing left. Believe me, I'm not exaggerating one Iota on this."

Believe him I already did. Then he continued his false Crusade.

"The people must know! If only they knew the Reality of what's happening. They must Listen to me! Then things would change! Throw the monsters out!"

Then I told him reality he did not Want to Hear: the Monsters are in charge because the People are monsters.

"Never!" he indignantly rebuked. "Never will I Believe that! The people have been Deceived. With good leaders we'd be Saved."

I repeated: the people Crucified the good leaders, that's why there's None left. There can be no deception without first Self-deception.

This robber, having been Robbed of his false hope, stormed off Cursing me as a man without Hope.

But I have read the Hearts of those who speak from on High. Those who Lie - and those who Wish to be lied to - grow and Fester in number. Rare is a soul who sees the Light. Most are still Stubborn and Reluctant to give up the old ways despite the Ruination they see happening before their Eyes. This now-Wandering Power Lord was the same. He spoke of going back to a Time of a more Moderate evil. That was his Idea of Sanity. He said Ridding the world of all evil was too Radical and "would never Sell." I Smiled at him, saying nothing, another piece of truth Gone with the wind.

Witness to the End

Like Relentless drops of Blood from a cut body, Hope drips out of us. It's like being strapped to a table, Helplessly watching your life slip away. You can Scream or not scream, it makes no difference. There is no one to Hear. And yet I still hear talk of a Future.

Who can Sustain this? Who can Endure this? Why is this Madness Allowed to continue? I must Shut my mind to the insanity lest I lose it altogether. Yet I know Denial is the Enemy. It sits on the Throne of power, laughing at our foolishness as we hope against hope to receive Life when choosing Death. But as hope Drips away it becomes more and more Obvious the Wrongness of the Path we've taken. Why do we Fear Survival so?

"Nothing can be Done," is the Official Mantra of the Authorities. So as houses Burn with Families inside, we walk by and Shrug, repeating the mantra. The sky Darkens with polluted ash, many Starve as food is refused, and those who Speak honestly are Crucified - without exception. We see this, hear this, and live this in traumatic Silence. Would an alien Observer wonder why we don't Rise up to Save ourselves? I certainly would.

I do not know how to Reconcile this world. Love has gone Underground, it's the last safe place to be. But its Time is limited too. Our dreams are Twisted, in contradiction of Nature. Some say hope is not Possible because it never was. The truth is we are making that a Reality by rejecting that which can Save us. The suffering is Intolerable and the Tragedy Inconceivable. I bear Witness to this and my Eyes will never be the same.

Hunters of Fear have no Fear

My Head spins faster than the World. Naked Evil has Revealed itself and Who or What can stop it? Even at rest my heart Races. The Dogs of Whores have been set upon us, to outright kill and destroy, period. Resources are too Scarce to share. So they make up Unreasonable reasons to Kill the Weak and Powerless. The dogs hunt us in a living Rage, angry at being Used by the Power Lords, Angry that doing their Lords' Bidding is the Only way they can feel Safe - and angry that Knowing they still aren't safe anyway. Terror begets Terror begets Terror.

I've asked before Why do I even Write? My words can only Condemn me in their Eyes. It is because I'm Forced to Keep my own Counsel. My body is Molting under the Duress of Breathing. The Worst of what I Foresaw has come to pass - and I cannot Bear it. I can't stand to See so many people Hurting. At Night, when Hiding in Abandoned buildings with other Refugees, I hear children Crying the Tears I dare not Unleash. We will Not be Rescued.

My hair Falls out. My Hope Runs out. I see no Way out. The dogs search Everywhere, Relentless in their Zeal, for they are Certain of what they do, so Closed are their Minds. The beasts and beastmasters fight for an End where No One survives. And they have been given to Rule. They believe the Sun does not Touch them. And so far, that has Proven so. Lust has won the Daylight. I Know that in The End they will be Consumed by their own Fire, never to Rise again. But what Good does that do me Now?

Today I was a Fire Man

The Green Zones are seething Cesspools of anger. Ten days a week, Night and Day, giant turbine fans blow the Radioactive Poison in the Sky away from their View. They don't Care it's still in the Air, just so long as they can't See it. But even the Fans aren't Enough now. What we Must see every day in the Dead Zone now they must Too. The Finger-pointing and Blaming and Backbiting has exploded as the Green Zoners Scramble to maintain their denial. I would find it Hilarious were it not so Tragic.

The most Heinous and Vile Voices have risen up to take Advantage of the outrage. They make Impossible Promises to the willingly Gullible and the outright Deceivers. Love is all but Dead. Children Mindlessly repeat baseless mantras taught as Fact, delighting in Taunting any Peer who speaks a Truth that betrays our Doomed future. In the Green Zones, they Worry more about their poor Feelings being Offended than Nature herself. Make someone Cry with reality and you're a Bad Person. Make someone Sing with a Falsehood and you're called Good. But they all walk on Eggshells because the truth is Known already.

And in my Rage I decided to help them.

Mountains of poisonous Debris are shoved into the Dead Zones each and every day without exception. The Toxic items are made in the same Factories that have permanently Darkened our skies. So in my sense of Irony, I decided to send them Back into the air with heaping Flames of Deadly black smoke. I Sang a Wicked song as I poured Accelerant down one aisle and then merrily the next. I Screamed to the heavens as I lit the Blaze, "If you want Poison so Badly, here it is!" I watched in Perverse satisfaction as the Inky black billows infested the Sky I had for so long Fought to keep clean.

No one came to Arrest me. No one even came to Investigate. No one even bothered to Put Out the fire. They could Not. Because that would mean Admitting there's a Problem in the first place. This must be how the Power Lords feel when they Get Away with their daylight Sins. It's true you're Either part of the problem or part of the Solution - and burning the chemicals in the Landfill is certainly no solution. But I'm so Mixed Up and Confounded it seemed like an Answer at the time. I Pray for the end of this World.

One Billion Dead

Even in the Green Zone the Smoke is choking them

Power Lord cheers on the nightmare: "All is well!"

I can smell the Smoke from here, a Burning Hell from over the horizon, swallowing up Hope with every passing second. Evil has been Unleashed - and the Power Lords call it salvation. One billion Dead, and counting. You can hear the Message everywhere in the Green Zone: "The Dead Zoners are Coming! The Dead Zoners are Coming! They're going to Take EVERYTHING unless we stop them!" Day and Night the message plays over and over on all Communication channels, whipping up a relentless Fury. First, they Pollute their minds, then they pollute the Atmosphere with smoke of a Thousand Fires.

Even as the Green Zoners burn us alive here in the Dead Zone, you can hear Calls for so-called Prayers for our welfare. The Monsters! Maybe I should Not Lament our self-annihilation after all. Nature will speak as always with Perfect Harmony. It is we who Violate that harmony - and how can we not pay a Penalty? The suffering is beyond Comprehension. Only in small Doses can I take in the grief of what's happening. Having already ruined one planet, how can we ask Clemency for Ruining another? I am Torn, asking the Universe to be both Merciful and merciless with us. No greater power Need save us: we're the only ones Here.

I have seen the Tears roll down soot covered Faces devastated with Staggering disbelief and Unspeakable horror. The Green Zoners think (or Claim to think) they are saving their Future by destroying lives. Despite all the Signs I've written about, I have always hoped Against hope that we'd turn towards the Light, that we'd claim the Treasure of life that we are Promised. But comes a time when we reach a point of No Return. If we are not there yet, then we are Dangerously close. Green Zoners will tolerate any Atrocity they Deceive themselves will make them Safe from their Sins. Who can Pity their Fate?

Former Wars are just as Fatal

We don't have Wars anymore. Because they Never Stop, and the Reason for them is Forgotten, and Victory is not even Definable, our Shame in continuing them must now be Buried. We call them Pacifications, or Freedom Fighting, or even Former Wars. The Weight of Guilt burdens our souls with increasing Distress. So we Renamed our Sins to be endeavors of Good and suddenly we are Righteous once more, sanctified by our glorious Fig Leaf to give us cover. Cover from Whom, I wonder. It is only Ourselves we can deceive.

They recruit the Lonely, the Loveless, and the Forlorn to do the Dirty Work, feeding them a Compost of lies that they are Preserving the good. These Noble Missions give purpose to the Purposeless, filling the Void our world creates with our Jobs of rape and destruction. We are Craving something Real but are Blocked by our Greed. Our Wars are nothing more than a Mad Scramble to gobble up the remaining resources until they are gone. Are we really so Determined to be the Laughingstock of the Universe, a Dead Planet to mark us for all eternity as Fools too stupid to Live?

The Power Lords actually think they are Clever in their Wickedness. They see the Soulless Soldiers return from battle with their Minds Ripped in two who then turn the Gun on their own Heads. These Monsters Praise the soldiers' efforts with their Lips but despise them Behind closed doors. But they refuse to see their Power is Poison, that they Ingest their own Death. They are Freaks of Futility who Hide themselves away thinking their Power Poison makes them Safe. Only at the point of death do they realize their Self-Betrayal.

I'm all Alone now

No one Knows of me. My thoughts are my Own, I never Share. I notice no one else is either. Part of it is the Politicizers, perpetually Seeking to turn even the most Innocent of comments into Heresy, ripping you to Shreds without Hesitation or Compunction. And Part of is the times we live in. I miss everyone.


I've become a Cheat and a Swindler and a Scoundrel to remain alive. But in doing this I Died. No one Condemns me for this. Anyone who Sees you Walking around just Assumes you're a cheat and swindler too. The Power Lords publicly condemn the savagery of our world while privately Fostering the chaos and greed. I wish to Speak of my Sins but to whom can I Confess? None have Ears - it's too Dangerous. So I stagger along, writing this for no one. Very little of Me remains. I can't even look back at what I've Written before. It would only make me Realize my Loss of life.

Where is the Point? I die to Live and live to Die. The mad Scramble to consume the Last of the resources has Overtaken us. We Hate what we've become. Daily Treason assaults the mind, leaving you feeling there's Nowhere to turn: Imprisoned for life. Stranger avoids Stranger on the road; kill first before you're Killed. One must be a Crook to survive in the Green Zones or a Killer here in the Outlands. I want to scream to the heavens but Heaven has no Door.