Don't they know our lives are Real?

I found a hiding spot in the Green Zone. No one knows how long I can last here. I more than ever Fear this is the end of our Outpost which started with such Grand Ideals. We vowed never to Ruin this planet like our Home planet, "Give us another chance" we said. Six Thousand Years later and we've done it again. And I still hear Voices proclaiming our Enlightenment.

In a way it's more Stressful here than in the Outland because I have something to Lose here no matter how little. That draws me into the mindset of the Green Zoners who live in absolute and Total fear and Terror, cowering in abject horror of what they've done. Not that anyone openly Speaks it, of course - that would be High Treason. The Truth has always been treason.

Like I said, I found a spot but I have no Place here. Those people with a place are chained like Puppets, willing to Beg, Borrow or Steal (or Kill) to keep what they got. Could I be that kind of Liar? I feel Guilty. Why do I Deserve to survive? What have I done Special? I Wonder of Outlanders I've met are still alive. Would the dead Begrudge me finding a way out? I think many would be happy for me.

I feel like a Spy. Maybe I am. Maybe that's why I write this Diary on a dying planet. Who will ever read it? Who would ever Believe it? I watch how they think here in the Green Zone. Their hands Grip their chairs as they fixate on the View Box, watching the daily Slaughter in the Outlands on the front lines of the Resource War. They see the children Blown to bits then change the channel to a Plastic script of their liking, something that tells them they don't live in Vain.

You see, in their Minds there are only so many places here and the idea of having to Share drives them to these Atrocities. And that's how everything got Reversed. That's how sharing is Declared an atrocity and slaughter the Necessity. Our lives of Running in the rubble as the unstoppable Death Machines storm over us in permanent Nightmare are just another channel to them. If you ask them they will say they are Good People - but only if Our Lives are not real.